INTRODUCTION
For many years I had considered myself an "Atheist" with a fascination with folklore, regional legends, and ghost stories. I took relative comfort in the idea that once life functions in body terminates that life that occupied the body disappears just as body eventually disappears from any recognizable form of existence. The end was the true end and I was not bothered by this idea because how can not existing be scary when nothing exists to feel scared? I wasn't very vocal about my beliefs but I didn't shy away from them either. Yet this belief always bummed me out because it erases any possibility of ghosts and of all the paranormal phenomena ghosts are by far my favorite. I had spent some time going legend tripping in presumably haunted locations, hoping to witness some ghostly doings. I hesitate to say those experiences were a waste of time because they were quite fun I always came home with no stories to tell of any paranormal experiences. Eventually I gave up looking for an experience and just resigned myself to living vicariously through stories told in television shows, movies, and podcasts.
I remained this way until 2020 when I discovered the podcast "Astonishing Legends" and I heard about the infamous Sallie House in Atchison, Ks. The four part series was extremely arresting as it was an investigation into an experience the hosts had while taking a short tour of the house. I looked up the distance of the Sallie House from my residence to discover that it was only a 40 minute drive North of my residence, and I could rent the place out. I reached out to a close friend who shared my interests and he agreed to join me in an overnight stay in a house that was guaranteed to provide an experience. A year later we drove to Atchison to experience what many call the "Phenomena" which I will publicly confess altered my view of the universe I inhabit. When people would ask me if I believed in the paranormal or paranormal events I would quote the famous poster in Fox Mulder's office in The X-Files-I want to believe. I wanted to believe in the phenomena but I didn't have proof. After leaving the Sallie House I wasn't sure what I believed but I knew first hand that there was something out there.
Recently my wife asked me if I still call myself an atheist if I believe that the phenomena exists and I believe in ghosts. This is a tricky question because in the following years my research and exploration into the phenomena has not provided any concrete evidence of anything other than existence of the phenomena itself. I cannot say if ghosts are real, if there is an afterlife, if God is real, and I certainly have no idea what happens to our "self" after the body stops sustaining life. As I write this introduction to this body of work I my thoughts on the phenomena stand as such-the phenomena isn't paranormal but normal, it is a fact of life, it will interact with anyone if they want it to. The phenomena is also tricky, some times with a sense of humor, sometimes horrifically predatory, but it plays games-which has made me see it as another aspect of existence we must deal with. I would describe the phenomena as a "strange ecosystem" if anything. It is a part of life we interact with yet it's purpose, its existence, and it's value is unknown.
I had originally named titled this new chapter of my artmaking Experimenting With. I originally used this title because I am experimenting with using art to explore and illicit interactions with the phenomena. Yet the title never felt right to me. It wasn't until my wife asked me that important question about my beliefs that I realized that my reflection, research, and experimenting are not the point in of themselves. Instead they are just the means to which I explore the strange ecosystem we all exist in.
I have decided that this exploration where I want to focus my art for the foreseeable future.
This page is a curated record of this journey I've decided to take with my art making.
Assembled from the Sallie House in Atchison, Ks (This is What We Asked For), Caleb Harman and Zach Walker, Audio, 2024
April 2023
4/20/23
I tried an EVP experiment. I hooked up an old radio and found a station of white noise on an AM station. I decided I would announce my intentions of exploring the audio files of the Sallie House with white noise being recorded and at that time any intelligence I encountered could feel free to communicate at that time. The event led to me realizing my headphones aren’t as sound proof as I thought where I could hear audio coming from my headphones in the recording. But this asks a question-I was not creating anything I was only searching. I feel like creation is more powerful than searching. Searching is goal oriented and I think might be limited in scope. I get the impression searching can be seen as consuming rather than creating is giving. Searching implies once found the searcher removes the item if interest, but creation offers so many possibilities for everyone. I think my first attempt I was stuck in technic-next I will try painting or drawing instead.
4/24/23
Resolving some personal problems to the best of my ability tomorrow I will try the experiment. I will go for a morning jog, walk the dog in the evening, and work with white noise (not a tone) tomorrow evening while maybe listening to music. I have charge my old iPhone (used in the Sallie House) and will use it as my primary recording device.
4/26/23
I did the experiment. I wasn’t sure what to expect and from the outset it yielded nothing. I worked for about 30 minutes and spent another 40 minutes mulling through the file. Most was just general noise from the static of the radio and me working, but there was a moment that stood out. Around 20 minutes into the audio file at the lowest audible register is what looked and sounded like a car driving by the house (I love on the corner of two streets both of which terminate in cul de sacs, our traffic, especially at 9-10 pm is very limited). When I isolated it the noise definitely sounded like a car but then what seems like music can be heard. It’s strange like it’s almost a pop song but not quite. I’m not willing to say it’s “something” but I don’t want to write it off either. It’s staying. I like it. Tonight I don’t work any more. I'm tired. I’ve been very tired lately.
4/27/23Maybe I’m having a hard time painting the bridge because I’m trying to paint the bridge I think I’m seeing not the bridge that is actually there. It’s not two bridges that are next to each other-it’s one oddly built bridge in a strange landscape.
I recorded a voice memo I need to send to my email.
Back to Hellier.
Bridges Over the Kansas River, Acrylic on Wood, 12.25" x 11", 2023
4-25-23 EVP Experiment, Audio, 2023
Private Email About the Paranormal, 2023
Four Knocks in the Nursery at the Sallie House in Atchison, Ks, Caleb Harman and Zach Walker, Audio, 2021
Distance of Sallie House from My Residence
The First Thing We Saw Entering the Sallie House in Atchison, Ks
The First Thing We Saw (Damaged), Charcoal and Mold on Paper, 2021/2024 (photograph taken in 2024 after discovery of damage)